Anxiety

"I can't breathe. I think I am dying." I always just assume the worst, but who doesn't when they struggle with anxiety. I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was about 19 years old. I grew up understanding what it was because my sister has it pretty bad, and I also wonder like "wtf is wrong with her." Low and behold, now I ask wtf is wrong with me. My first anxiety attack lives in my head rent free. I was still living with my mom back in PA, and one day I was just home from work laying in her bed watching TV. I was laying there and just started thinking about my grandmother who passed away when I was still a little girl. I was just thinking about life after living here on earth. The thought about dying scared me. I jumped up immediately and just tried calming myself out of it with breathing techniques.

Does anyone else ever get those thoughts and immediately get freaked out?

Ever since that anxiety attack, I have never stopped going to therapy. Having anxiety doesn't always just include thoughts about dying. For me, anxiety looks like constant overthinking, need for reassurance, and very OCD when it comes to plans and going new places. If I am going somewhere I have never been before I will look that pace up on google maps to see the layout and check where the entrance and parking lot are. If I am going to a new restaurant, I will always look at the menu beforehand and practice how I am going to say it.

Anxiety is also constant fidgeting, nail biting, and zoning out. These are all just the things that I experience with anxiety and as always everyone is different. My anxiety can sometimes get the best of me, which is ok, but what is not ok is not applying the techniques you learn in therapy. I have had many therapists tell me the breathing technique and though it can work sometimes there are so many other ways to break yourself of an anxiety attack or even panic attack. Distract your mind, grab your headphones and go for a nice brisk walk. Working out is truly healthy for your mind and it can sometimes bring it to ease. My therapist also taught me this that I never knew would actually work. If you wake up in the middle of the night anxious, run your hands under cold water it will stimulate you mind to thinking about something else.

I know I am not a perfect person, but everything that I have is honestly a blessing. It has shaped me into who I am today, and my life and my story has pushed me to doing what I never thought I'd do and that is this. Later down the road I have great plans for some of my postings, so I hope you continue to stick around!

xoxo,

Mariah