It's Intense

What's Intense you ask? EMDR therapy. For those who have never heard of EMDR therapy it is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This is a common type of therapy that is used for an induvial who suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Have you put it together yet? Yes, of all the other disorders PTSD is another one I struggle with. In another post I will go more into detail regarding that, but EMDR truly healed me.

EMDR therapy was suggested to me by my therapist. She had just finished training and one therapy session she asked if I would be comfortable being one of the few patients, she had done it. I was very scared and obviously asked many questions like, "What happens if it doesn't work?" My therapist basically told me if it didn't know we could potentially retraumatize me. That wasn't comforting to hear, but after asking questions and doing my own research on it. I felt it was time to reprocess and finally heal again.

The course of my EMDR therapy was probably like 5 or 6 sessions with my therapy the first sessions was really understanding my core beliefs about my in the moments of my trauma. For example, trigger warning, if you were sexually assaulted you would be asked in that moment how did you feel. Well, someone might say helpless, like they couldn't help themselves in that situation. So, we really figured out what my core beliefs were, then we found my happy place that I could visit anytime during the reprocessing. My happy place was walking the beach during the sunset. Let me tell y'all when I heard eye movement, I thought I was going to go into some hypnosis, but it was not that at all. There are many ways to do this, and the way my therapist and I did it was through tapping of the shoulders.

So let me break it down for those to have a better visual. I dug deep and figured out a core belief. At first, I rate how I felt about that core belief in the moment of my trauma on a scale from 1-10; 10 being completely felt it and believe it to the core. For example, back to feeling helpless if I felt helpless like I can't help myself, I would say 10. Next, I would begin tapping to a rhythmic beat on my shoulders, and I did that for what felt like forever, but it was really just a minute. After that minute went by my therapist would ask me, what were some things that showed up or came to mind during that. I would then tell her, and we would continue tapping for another minute. When I stopped same question was asked, what did you see, felt, or hear that time. I would tell her, but after I told her she would ask me on a scale from 1-10, how much I still felt that core belief. This was a repeated cycle until we got to where I was down to a 1 and felt more of, I can help myself. When I got to that point we began tapping, but this time it was telling myself the positive. So, If I felt helpless during my trauma and I reprocessed to know I know I can help myself. I would tap that in. It is really weird at first, but the thoughts, images, and things you feel during all of it are more of a feel good. When I finished my last time of tapping in the positive core belief, she asked, "What are you feeling right now, or what did you feel in your body." I am telling y'all I felt senses of relief, I felt weight lift up, I felt hopeful, goosebumps.

Like I said I did this for I think 5 to 6 sessions, it could have been more, but EMDR truly changed my life and my healing journey. I am here now telling strangers who come across this blog when before I was so closed in and felt trapped in my pain. If you are scared or thinking about EMDR, I would first talk to a professional because I am not one as this is only my experience with this. I had to sign a consent form and everything because of how intense it is. Therefore, please seek a professional regarding. Days and weeks after I were still reprocessing, like I was having dreams, and thoughts like came to mind regarding the reprocessing and though I knew that was likely going to happen, I just didn't think it would be like that intense.

I am very thankful for my therapist as I have mentioned in my other post, she has helped me heal in a proper way than I was trying to. She saw the brokenness in me and was ready to listen and help me. I know I had family and friends along my healing journey, but a lot of my healing is truly going to be credited to my therapist. If you are scared to seek therapy don't. It may take a few wrong therapists to find the right one, but when you do you will know. To end with this, please note that these posts are solely based on my experience and what had helped me cope and walk through this gift of life again.

xoxo,

Mariah