Therapy

Hello! I know it has been a while since I last posted, but here I am now. I wanted to talk about therapy and how it has changed my life. I didn't start going to therapy until I was about 19 years old. I am 26 years old now, and I have had 3 different therapists. Can we normalize how difficult it is to find a therapist? My first therapist was a male, and personally I did not gain anything from him besides, I don't ever want to have a male therapist again. I would talk to him about my trauma, and he literally was just like, "Focus on the reality." Like sir...... this is the reality. So, I left him and found a new one. My new therapist was a female, I thought she was alright. Like she had the psychological knowledge to tell me the illnesses and disorders I had, but she was more focused on trying to help me with my binge eating disorder. Not only that, but she was so invested in my love life and each session began to be all about this guy I was talking to at the time, and how things were going. Like I am here for therapy, I was still struggling with my depression and suicidal along with having anxiety every other day of the week. She felt more like a best friend than a therapist.

I then moved from PA to the lovely south. Due to safety, I am not going to disclose where in the south I am. When I moved to the south, I did not have a therapist for about 4 months. Boy, were those the longest and hardest 4 months of my life. A girl was STRUGGLING! I just moved to a new city, and I was having a hard time making friends, liking my job, and adjusting to a brand-new environment. There was a lot on my plate mentally, and financially. However, I searched long and hard to find the therapist I have today and let me tell y'all something. She has truly changed my life.

When I scheduled my first appointment with this new therapist, I already knew what to expect. The intake session. Probably the worst session anyone who has to change therapist experiences. I say it's the worst session because you literally have to tell your whole story all over again and basically like relive it all again mentally. Then you have to yet tell another person, I struggle with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and PTSD. That first session, in my opinion, is the hardest. Then you go back and have your first therapy session and you just dive right in.

I was probably really weird in my first couple sessions, but it's like being the new kid in school basically. Session after session things got easier. Some days I dread going to therapy and other days I am just so happy to go. Getting to talk with someone who does not see your day to day is comforting because the advice they are giving you is genuine and real, and it's the matter of how you are going to take that advice and apply it. Since moving states away from my hometown and meeting my therapist I have learned how to heal from trauma and just live again. Living a life, I deserved all along, but experience bad bumps along the way. I can finally say with pure confidence that I have finally healed, and if you are ever wondering if you will ever heal and live life again... Trust me when I say this, "You will, just keep on going."

I promise I will do a better job posting.

xoxo,

Mariah