Relationship After Abuse

You might be surprised when I say this, but good men are still out there in the world. I am so blessed and thankful to have the man that I do now. The best way to put it, he takes care of me and shows me what love is and should be like. There will never be enough words in this world to express all the love that I have for him. So, what has it been like dating and now engaged after abusive relationships? A lot of communication. There have been some very serious conversations we have had and there have also been times where I had my guard up and refused to let him in.

              My partner and I started dating about a year and a half ago. Before we started dating, we were in that “talking stage.” Funny enough… I chased him and he was not giving me a simple chance. It makes me smile thinking back on it now because we literally went from always sliding up on each other’s snap stories to now engaged. When we first hung out, he came over to my place. Lord, this girl was very nervous.

A little back story, I was single for 4 years and in that 4th year mark I decided to start going on dates and put myself out there.

              Back to the story, he came over we watched a movie and that night we surely kissed. I only share this little detail because weirdly enough during that kiss I said in my head, “this is the man I am going to marry one day.” It was a feeling I have never felt before, and so many people have always said when you find the right one you will just know. I always hated that cliché shit but didn’t realize how real it really it. When you find the right one you know. After he left that night, I was really hoping he felt the same way and we could see where this went. We started hanging out more and more and each time we hung out we would have deeper conversations and the feelings started growing stronger.

              It was about a month of talking and things were starting to get serious, and commitment was probably the scariest thing ever, but I knew I wanted to commit. Building trust in our relationship was very important to me and hard for me all at the same time. Even though he is such an amazing person I was still reserved off. I told him about my past and what I had been through and explained to him that I hadn’t dated anyone since that last relationship because it left a permanent mark on me, but he reassured me that I was going to be just fine. Communication is important especially if you have a past story like I do. He was patient with me every step of the way, he was reassuring anytime I had my doubts, and was always gentle and respected me and my body.

              Things were going well for us, and I just knew that I loved him. I knew he was the one for me. Red roses have always been my favorite flower and to this day I still have a rose from the first dozen roses he bought me. I put it in my bible over 1 Corinthian 13: 4-8. I felt that our relationship was going to fall heavily on that verse and that was just my way of knowing God was in control of this relationship. When I told him I loved him I was very scared. The first was that fear of not being loved back. I did a lot of journaling, so he went out of town for a family member’s wedding and while he was gone, I journaled as if I was writing to him. When he came back, I literally gave him that letter I wrote and jumped in the shower. I felt that my 10-minute shower was going to be enough for him to get up and run while he had the chance in case, he didn’t love me back. Yes, I did tell him that too, but he was still in my apartment after my shower and told me he loved me back.

              Fast forward to where we are today. We are happily engaged, living together, and have 2 dogs. He has shown me over this year and a half what love is supposed to feel like and has given me the love that I have always deserved. There are days when I think to myself and beat myself up wondering if I am giving him that same amount of love in return. Having the partner that I do is a breath of fresh air, and I never knew that could ever be possible especially after everything I have been through, but it is. The first thing I could say is don’t give up, and as cliché as this stupid shit sounds, you will know when you find the right one. It’s a feeling that just can’t be described.

              Give yourself some time and grace. Your mind will thank you later. Take the time to figure yourself out and heal from all that you have been through. Never start dating again until you know for sure that you are mentally ready to put yourself through another commitment. Don’t give up babes, your time is coming and when it gets here you will be so thankful that all that time waiting and healing was worth it in the end.

Xoxo,

Mariah