Time to yourself

Hey Y'all,

I am back and I strongly apologize for not posting this past month. This post is going to be a venting and fill you in as to why I have been a little absent. As many have probably read my other post by now, my fiancé and I lost our baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. Grieving the lost has been like none other because not only did we lose our baby, but I also lost my right fallopian tube. When I came out of surgery that day, I just felt so empty and stripped of everything. I can tell you it has not been easy. I blame myself for our loss because I feel like it is my fault. I am mad at my body because it did not do the one thing that I needed it to. It has been challenging to just process everything that happened, but I am slowly coming out of it. There are times where I envy mothers who have babies, and then there are times when I think about the “What could have been.” However, I strongly believe that as time continues to go on it will get easier.

To add onto all that has happened to me. Prior to the pregnancy loss I lost my job too. Let me tell you, finding a job now is truly brutal. Just simply brutal, so I have been spending my days just applying to jobs and doing interviews all to get rejected. I have been caught up with little setbacks. However, I strongly know and believe that the right job is out there. Lastly, I have also been busy with school as well. I am currently working towards finishing up my MBA program and the workload has been a lot and time consuming, but I am almost done so expect me to be posting a lot more! I promise this time around I will not be taking a break.

Even though this is meant to update you all on my absence. There is something to learn out of this post and that is no matter the setbacks you face in life. It is okay to take a break ever so often. If you are not setting yourself as a priority in your own life you are going to struggle and drain yourself out. I listened to myself and my body and with losing the job, then our baby, and just struggling to find another job. I knew I needed to put myself first in my life and listen to what I needed to do. I started exercising again by taking 2 miles walks, and that has just been great for the grieving and just my mental health all around. I have been going to therapy a lot more now just because I needed to know how to process something I never in my life expected I’d experience. I even needed to just have those days and those nights to really allow myself and body to feel the emotions and feelings it needed to. So, take my advice and take the time to yourself and maybe pick up doing something you stopped doing, or always wanted to get into doing. Your mind will thank you later, I can promise you that!

Xoxo,

Mariah